I'm fine now, but I blame the end of last week on hormones (and the often unhappy reality of life). For many weeks now I've thought if there was an orphanage down the road I'd be there every extra moment I had to give a child a hug. When I gaze down in adoration (in the purest sense of the word) at my little girl gulping down milk, or when she is just staring back at me, I've been flashing on the thousands of children in orphanages around the world who literally don't get a hug all day. In my head it is usually a Romanian orphanage, don't know why, and whenever the thought enters my head it brings tears with it. I feel like I could spend the rest of my days cuddling babies who should be getting endless amounts of love.
And then I read Alison's blog about Josh at Vancouver Childrens Hospital. He and Karen and Ross are often in my mind, but reading about it and seeing his picture there made me imagine the size of that hospital and all the little ones with their worried families, and then all the hospitals around the world where people aren't feeling blessed.
And I am truly just so content these days. I need nothing. I am loved and cared for. And I have a little family all of my own that I could never have imagined being so great. The thought that not everyone has this just overwhelmed me with sadness and tears last week. And I blame the tears on the hormones, as I would just inexplicably start crying when I looked at lovely Halía. Coming back to the kitchen after putting her to bed one time there were tears streaming down my face and Jan just looked at me. I said, 'someone is going to mean to her one day and I can't stand it'. I can't stand the thought that she is going to be at school, or somewhere playing happily and something is going to happen to make her feel sad or bad about herself. It just isn't fair. Children being sick isn't fair, babies all alone in orphanages isn't fair. So while I am so happy and feeling so blessed and in awe of life, I'm making note that it all seems incredibly fragile.
Suscribirse a:
Enviar comentarios (Atom)
2 comentarios:
The badness in the world is too, too awful. We discussed before how having a daughter ruined most of my favourite television shows - Law & Order SVU, Criminal Minds, CSI. Too many bad things happen to someone's daughter all the time.
I wonder how much of the adoration seeps into their little hearts? How much of these early months when they are truly our everything - how much of this will live on in their spirits? Not enough I don't think.
No, I don't think very much will live on in their spirits, but it certainly will in ours. This is likely all a part of mother-formation and the adoration will just become one more layer to help our parenting.
Publicar un comentario