Sleep vs shopping

My little baby is sleeping. My plan was for this to happen in the car, but alas it happened in her crib, so the shopping plan is on hold. I was going to wake her but once I went in and saw her so warm and snuggly I just couldn't do it. So thought I'd get to the blog with some updates.

I watched a movie last night which was ok up until this scene where a 2 yr old boy is in a car seat crying for his mom because a social worker is taking him away. It was like instantaneous tears. I kid you not. And ruined the rest of the movie, because I just wanted to go get her out of bed and cuddle her. I think movies should come with an additional warning: some violence, 15 swear words, and potentially traumatizing moments for new moms.

It is weird thinking of myself as a mom. I can't say that I have quite grasped that she is going to rely on me and love me so much. A part of me thinks that she is joking and will one day turn around and be able to do everything herself. As I type, I see that yes, indeed this will happen, but I'm thinking like in the next few weeks. And I have this weird underlying fear/thought that she is perfectly ok on her own. Which can be a good thought, or a bad one... like everything I suppose. But we were out for lunch yesterday and someone wanted to hold her. I happily hand her over thinking great, she will get used to other people. But I then realize a few minutes later, that I haven't even checked (that much) to see if she is happy/ok. I just assume that she is fine. And I think bloody hell, I have to get it in my head that I do actually need to realize that I am the one that needs to be looking out for her! Of course, Jan hasn't taken his eyes off her since she left my lap :) And then conversely, she'll go to sleep and I'll miss her like mad an hour later and have to go stare at her. It is all too much.

She is just so amazing.